So as I woke up, to what I thought would be my baby. It was a very handsome and blurry doctor. Then the pain hit me. My abdomen was burning and I felt like I was going to throw up in pain. My insides felt mangled and the room was spinning. I looked at him and said
"If you don't give me something now! I will start screaming."He looked like he was in shocked and said
"You can feel that!?!?!?"All I did was give him a look. And if you know me, you can imagine a glare of "your gonna piss me off more, if you dont do something" So they hooked me up to a morphine pump, started wheeling me down to recovery and then the most amazing, breath taking moment of my life. They stopped me dead in the hallway and a sound I longed to hear, brought tears to my eyes.
The nurse walks over, sets my baby on top of me and said "Take a look, what did you get?" In the back of my head I thought, huh? Did I win a prize? But, I did. I looked into those deep coal eyes and as soon as I said hello to my baby, the crying stopped and he locked eyes with mine. We just starred at each other, for what seemed forever. Then the nurse kept saying take a look. I was so drugged up and tired, I asked my mom to tell me what the sex of my child was. The nurse chimed in and said
"You didn't wait this long for someone els to tell you, here...."And she undid the blanket, pulled away the diaper, and I rejoiced with
"I have a SON!"Tears overwhelmed me, I looked around (and I couldn't see anyone, due to my glasses went missing) And just kept saying, "My cup over floweth" and a song came to mind. You are mine, by mute math. Oh how my heart just melted in those big coal black eyes. Then reality set in.... I had to let go.
I don't know if this was a way the Lord was showing me, that He gave me a beautiful gift, that Jesus wanted to blessed me with. And that I need to let go and give him back to Him. So I handed my son over and was wheeled away to recovery.
As I sat and pondered how I was going to get through this pain and pretend that I wasn't in agony, to get back upstairs and see my son. The nurse came down stairs, the same nurse (God bless her), stayed past her shift and went into surgery with me and now was staying too see me make it out. She walked over and asked me what I was going to name my son. Without hesitation or thought, I said Bowen. I just knew, I saw those eyes and I knew. One that he belonged to the Lord and it was my blessing and responsibility, to take care and watch after him and two, that this was his name. She just looked at me and said that is very unique. From that point on when people ask me what is his name and I tell him. That is the response I always get. :) He is unique, from the moment I heard "you're pregnant!!" I knew this child was meant to be and will have a destiny to follow His ways for all of his life.
I continued to pretend I wasn't in pain and a nurse came up to me and asked if I was feeling okay. I just couldnt hold it in any longer, between the hormones, lack of sleep and pain. I just started crying, moaning I said to her
"I'm not in pain but it hurts soooo bad. (begging) Please it hurts, but don't give me anything. I want to back up stairs and see my son, ohhh please, it burns and my spine is killing me."She went and got a doctor, he gave me a dose of some pain killer, in addition to the morphine and told me I had to stay another hour and half. Oh was I pissed and angry at that nurse. BUT then, Oooo I felt good, no pain and I felt like a little heavy and tired. I then fell asleep and soon after, was waken by a man wheeling me into the elevator.
I reached the room and was searching for familiar faces. "MOM!" I screamed "Where are my glasses I cant see a thing and where is my Son, where is Bowen?"
As I said that I heard my little sister say, with love of course, "Is that the name? Your naming him Bowen?Woaw!" "Yup" I replied "and I shall call him Bo." No one got the joke but I giggled or maybe it was the pain reliever. ;)
Then the nurse wheeled my little one in and my life changed forever. I took him into my arms, kissed his face and embraced the moment.
